Same Story-Different Chapter

  In a small portion of my heart there is this fear.  I try to keep it hidden away and not think about it but it is always there.  Most of the time I do a great job of ignoring it but sometimes it bursts forth like a flower bud on a spring day.  Recently, on one of those warm spring days, that fear grew exponentially.  The doctor was telling my sister that the part of her pancreas that had been removed days earlier contained the same type of cancer that had taken our dear brother three years earlier. The adrenaline of fear coursed through my body as I cried out to God that I could not live this story again.  But then, I witnessed a miracle.  God turned the page and began a new and different chapter. My fear turned to hope as I heard the doctor tell us that this cancer had been found so early that it was only present in the part that had been removed- an "unheard of" precedent in the medical history of pancreas cancer.  I was in awe of what God had done. 

  I would not be honest, though, if I said that my fear is completely gone.  For you see, my dad's family carries a certain gene mutation known as Lynch Syndrome.  Over the last ten years my father and mother have seen three of their children diagnosed with three different types of cancer five different times.  I think a lot about what it means for my children and for my nephews. I wonder if I will be diagnosed again.  The news of my sister has been a lot to process and I will continue to process it over the next few weeks.  I have spent a lot of time with God asking why we even have to live this particular story.  Friends and family ask how we have gotten through it.  For me, it is my faith in Jesus. 

  I know that I cannot handle all that this world gives me.  I have to rely on him and what he has done for me.  In John 16:32-33, Jesus tells us this: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  The Christian walk does not guarantee a life free of pain or heartbreak but it does give us a way to overcome those things.  Through Jesus I can walk away from that fear that hides in my heart about this disease.  It also helps me to remember that this is not my final destination. I love the words in a song called "Where I Belong" by the group Building 429.  The group tells about the assurance that God gives us about eternal life in heaven. This world is not the destination God intended for me and I know the world of cancer will soon pass away.  So on this day I celebrate what God has done with this different chapter in our life story.  I praise and thank him for this little bit of heaven on earth.